He felt the box mocking him. The size of the thing. So what’s inside? he asked, to get it over with. My birthday present to myself! she said.

The sky grew greyer and greyer and my mood descended concurrently and I found a bar and finally smiled but it was closed for a private party.

There’s a commotion. Someone calls for a doctor. I volunteer. Life is illusory, I tell the stricken man. Because I’m a doctor of philosophy.

I’m like I don’t know dude and she’s all I hate it when dudes call chicks dude and I’m like horny but not in a douchy way and she says dude.

We sat around debating the merits of a book none of us had read. And we started drinking wine. It escalated to whiskey. The chatter stopped.