Twisters

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He felt the box mocking him. The size of the thing. So what’s inside? he asked, to get it over with. My birthday present to myself! she said.

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The sky grew greyer and greyer and my mood descended concurrently and I found a bar and finally smiled but it was closed for a private party.

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There’s a commotion. Someone calls for a doctor. I volunteer. Life is illusory, I tell the stricken man. Because I’m a doctor of philosophy.

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I’m like I don’t know dude and she’s all I hate it when dudes call chicks dude and I’m like horny but not in a douchy way and she says dude.

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We sat around debating the merits of a book none of us had read. And we started drinking wine. It escalated to whiskey. The chatter stopped.

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The house smells of baking, the scent of promise, a delivery into better lands. What’s the occasion? he asks. But she dare not tell him yet.

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They fall into bed. He reaches for the side table and produces a book. He starts to read it to her. She closes her eyes. Soon she is asleep.

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She takes out a tape measure and takes his beer and starts measuring him and he looks confused and then realizes she’s measuring his decline.

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The phone rang. It was his daughter. Mommy says she’s making popcorn for dinner, she said. He looked at his watch. It was an expensive watch.

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And then that moment arrived and I could see she was confused, and she said, Aren’t you going to take off your shoes? and so I had to leave.

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