The girl next to me on the bus farted in her sleep. She doesn’t know I love her. If I hadn’t lost it to cancer I’d give her my left testicle

Jim stared at his weathered hands. And when he realized he was contemplating a manicure, he assembled his buddies and renounced his manhood.

That’s the last beer I drink, he thinks and then a blonde with endless legs sits next to him and gives him a long look and orders him a beer

He sits with the boys at the bar and tries to enjoy their banter. But his shame won’t let him. My trainer only let’s me drink vodka, he says