Tagged: Guys (1,814)

She had been burned by love’s fire so she suggested they take it slow. One day he asked, How long before we can fart in front of each other?

She had fallen deeply in love and she told him this. You’ve shown me what’s important in life, she said. I’m not that small, am I? he asked.

And then came the fateful day he could no longer see his weight on the scale. And so he called his wife and said, Ignorance really is bliss.

He says he’s a good lover, though she’d prefer this fact remain theoretical. And she tells him so. But, I’m bad at small talk, he clarifies.

He knew he looked stupid in his bike shorts. And she knew that he knew. And he knew that she knew that he knew. That was his story at least.

I told her I’d take the bus and she said something disparaging about public transit and hung up. Then I went out and chopped down some trees