Tagged: Guys (1,814)

He said, I’ve never seen a squirrel that big. He said, Maybe once but that was a long time ago. He said, I don’t do drugs but now I’m scared

Instead of rocks, he throws stones. There’s a big difference, he tells the cops. One is hurtful and angry. The other is more philosophical.

They sang with the abandon of a rapidly sinking ship. The shoppers were busy shopping. No recording contract today, he said. Maybe tomorrow.

He fled the scene and his girlfriend said “typical.” He would have prayed had he been religious. He went out and bought skinny jeans instead

He was the kind of guy that overused the word “fantastic”. It cost him some female affection. His tombstone read “This is not so fantastic.”

An adze. Four nails. A ballpeen hammer. A chisel. A Philips screwdriver. A miter saw. A saw plane. Seven wrenches. Fate. Medical assistance.

He’s just a tremendous fellow, really, very much so, but I did not appreciate his rather tepid reaction to the opera and so I must kill him.