He hated his in-laws’ cooking so he stuffed himself full of danish before showing up and got so bloated he had to defend his diet for hours.
Tagged: Family (813)
Twister 1013
He spent all of his money. Vegas had nothing on his daughter and her birthday needs. You’re just like your mother, he said, holding her chin
Twister 1127
He’s not fat but horizontal stripes don’t work for him. Not that he cares. His mother keeps calling him “heavy.” So the stripes get thicker.
Twister 1278
He has ugly children. He admits this. He knows the pain of birthday parties full of beautiful children. Of parading the failure of his genes
Twister 1372
The birthday party was a total failure and he didn’t talk to his mother for days. Finally, he confronted her. You served avocado! he yelled.
Twister 1444
She’s making her famous goulash and that always gives him gas so he stops by the taco stand beforehand and later that evening he drops dead.
Twister 1549
He came home from a date and told his roommate, She smells like my ex-mother in law. I can’t abide by that, he said. But secretly? He could.
Twister 1676
He spends an hour deciding what to wear. He’s late again, and he rushes for the door. You’re not going out dressed like that, his wife says.
Twister 1790
James walks into the den and there is canned laughter playing and he says, What did I do? and his brother says, You know! And then they hug.
Twister 1936
He finishes peeing and shakes a bit and a drop falls on the floor, unnoticed. Six months later, she will cite that drop as “the last straw.”
