Tagged: Family (813)

Twister 342

The house burned quickly. The family was fine. A fireman came out holding a charred fondue stick. It wasn’t even very good, she said, crying

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Twister 176

You park fast, Lou tells me. It’s a talent of yours that I admire, he says. So what if you hate oranges? At least you can blame that on mom.

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Twister 510

He dreamt in French and realized it was only a ham and cheese sandwich. His Japanese car was assembled in Alabama. He always says Van Damme!

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Twister 601

He is tragically untalented. He blames everything on his mother’s overbearing nature. My penis is small because of my skinny jeans, he says.

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Twister 662

Failing’s not so bad, he says. Don’t listen to him, she says. It builds character, he says. Tell your father he’s not getting any, she says.

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Twister 739

The carnage of the breakfast table is belied by the silence of a sated couple who have locked their kids in the basement a few hours longer.

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Twister 809

Hal lived a full but ultimately unsatisfying, dreary life. And on his deathbed, he remembered his father’s last words to him: You can’t win.

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Twister 913

He hated his in-laws’ cooking so he stuffed himself full of danish before showing up and got so bloated he had to defend his diet for hours.

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Twister 1013

He spent all of his money. Vegas had nothing on his daughter and her birthday needs. You’re just like your mother, he said, holding her chin

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Twister 1127

He’s not fat but horizontal stripes don’t work for him. Not that he cares. His mother keeps calling him “heavy.” So the stripes get thicker.

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