I rang her doorbell and waited. I thought about all the things that had led me to this moment. By the time she opened the door I was crying.

We had a lot to do and she told me to make a list so I mimed a sinking ship and she said, Oh you handsome sailor, and then I had to propose.

This guy told me he doesn’t drink coffee in front of women because he has a weak bladder. I thought that’s so sexist but then he peed on me.