Twister 1604

I’m drunk, he says. Have some more, she purrs. I’ll always be sad and alone, he says. You don’t have to be, she replies. I like it, he says.

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Twister 1603

After the kids tracked mud through the house and the dog crapped on the floor he went up to his wife and said, We totally live in a cartoon.

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Twister 1602

These are the brilliant men, walking majestically, onward, confident. But half of them don’t wear underwear. And the other half are giggling

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Twister 1601

Frank giddily shows off the new fridge to his friends. It tells me when I’m out of milk, he squeaks. You’re freaking me out dude, Jon says.

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Twister 1600

By the time he realized the whole thing was a joke, it was too late to retrieve the snake from his best friend’s toilet. Revenge was an ass.

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Twister 1599

The CEO fires 95 people and then farts so powerfully in his office that he’s afraid of the world. Cancel my meetings, he tells his secretary

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Twister 1598

And the argument continued until both had forgotten what they were fighting about. So they ordered a pizza. And they get to the final slice.

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Twister 1597

The lights dimmed and he knew the power outage was moments away. He ran around looking for a flashlight. And his blueberry flavored condoms.

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Twister 1596

He is startled by the change in seasons and by how often he ends up buying granola at the supermarket. Once again the Boomers lied, he says.

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Twister 1595

They needed milk and he agreed to go get it so he could grab a smoke. He returned home with chips, pop, marshmallows and chocolate unicorns.

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