She has amazingly pedicured toes, and I tell her I’d like to suck them, and she says, That’s gross, and that’s how I know she’s superficial.
Tagged: Sex (778)
T 5641
I stumbled upon a comfortable level of unhappiness. I went out and attempted to seduce a young lady. Her mother proved a satisfactory Plan B.
T 5639
I reached for the bill. I’ll get this, I said and she looked annoyed. I said, I won’t expect anything. And she said, That’s why I’m annoyed.
T 5631
She shows him a photo of a goat in her book and he says, I wonder how that tastes? and she closes the book. And he says, Put it on your lap.
T 5618
I was awkward as a child, he says lighting a cigarette. She kisses his arm and says, I’m glad you never grew up, and he puts the smoke down.
T 5609
The wait at the ATM was interminable and her kid yelled, My mom said daddy tastes likes broccoli! and she decided she didn’t need the money.
T 5603
They fall on to the couch and it breaks and he feels the back pain again and she has to stifle a giggle. My wife’s going to kill me, he says.
T 5593
He bites into the sandwich and she says, I felt like kissing you but I’m allergic to peanuts, and then he takes another bite of his sandwich.
T 5590
We walked down the beach and found a secluded spot and she removed her new skirt and it was carried off by the wind and that ruined the mood.
T 5589
She called and said, Last night was disappointing, and he said, I think I have carpal tunnel, and she said, Disappointing in a different way.
