Tagged: Guys (1,814)

He had some trust issues but that was more a function of his excessive paranoia. Or so he thought. Until he realized he was merely insecure.

He wakes up and pees and eats his cereal. He turns on the TV, flips the channels, turns it off. He picks his nose. I’m a lucky guy, he says.

He wants to be popular but he’s the kind who will eat all the cookies at your kid’s party and not tell you so that’s so not going to happen.

So this guy? He’s, like, plucking nose hairs just sitting there. So I’m, like, video this, and then, this nose guy gets the movie deal? WTF?

I like women in hardhats, Raj says. I like them with big bottoms, Jim says. Yellow hardhats, not the orange ones, Raj adds. I’m not Buddhist

His wife says, I’m glad all penises aren’t the same. And he smiles wistfully, because it’s something he’s always wished. I hear you, he says

He walks into the bar, all power pin stripes, and orders a freshly squeezed orange juice. She says, That’s almost kind of sexy. He knows it.