Tagged: Guys (1,814)

The piano player at the bar plays You Belong In The City and not Misty. I pick up a woman and we have awful sex. She hates herself, I guess.

They went for a jog, and after an hour the shorter friend said, I don’t get love, and the other friend said, Dude, and so they kept jogging.

He whips me with a wet towel in the locker room so I get on my phone and call my goon and say, Please kill him, but my goon calls me a fool.

She knew they’d gone to bed too soon after dinner and that he’d start farting excessively and that her lawyer would never believe the smell.

I lied to you, he says, the start of something, forgiveness he hopes. Are you lying to me now? she asks. I love you, he says. Because he can.

He picks up her purse and hands it to her and smiles and she says, Thank you, and she says, You’re too kind, and he says, You don’t know me.