Tagged: Guys (1,814)

He woke up and shaved. Then he went to the store and bought milk. Then he saw a bus run over a man. And then he went home and drank the milk

He wants his life to include much sex, old Angie Dickinson movies, goldfish, and a cheeseburger. Despite this he fulfills three out of four.

When the booze ran out, the partiers scattered, as if searching for shelter at the onset of rain. That’s when Jim pulled out the good stuff.

He says the kids are playing in the sandbox. And that makes everyone laugh. Because no one at the party has kids. And there’s no more vodka.

He speaks of pheromones and geology and other things that the ladies can’t question and yet he goes home alone with his nice smelling rocks.

He’s the kind of guy who insists on wearing black even with eternally awful dandruff. I’m my own man, he always crows. Though no one listens

There is a knock on the door. If this is a movie, he thinks, I get lucky. It is the plumber. And she’s a looker. It’s not a movie, she says.