Tagged: Guys (1,814)

They set up the blind date and she says, I’ll be sitting in the chaise-lounge, and later he realizes he has no idea what a chaise-lounge is.

They watch a woman enter the bar. I loved her once, he says. On the TV behind them, news of a Mars landing. In your dreams, his friend says.

He downs a shot and says, Her hands were rough but that didn’t bug me. Then he hobbles off to the toilet. While his friends pee their pants.

He came home from the store and kissed his girlfriend. And she said, When’s the last time you took a shower? and he said, You don’t love me.

He was very good at witty rejoinders. But he was so extremely bad at first impressions that he never got around to the witty rejoinder part.

He sees a thin guy walking down the street, wearing a trucker cap and a pink tutu, whistling “Iron Man.” I just can’t ever keep up, he says.

The smoke cleared and the last of the men moved on. My geraniums were finished. You smell like chopped liver! I yelled. I cringed right away