He says, I’m a Size 10. She smiles and bends over and finds the size. He says, You have a nice bum. She frowns. She says, I’m holding shoes.
Tagged: Guys (1,814)
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The days are long now. Hard. His life feels like a bucketful of lonely. A tundra of hollow. And so this is how he commits to the comb-over.
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The hat was too tight. It hurt his head to wear it. But it looked damn cool. He bought it. And suffered brain damage. A culling of the herd.
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He comes home with a double sausage pizza, just as she comes downstairs in her new neglige. Hi, she says. Don’t make me choose, he whimpers.
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I didn’t tell anyone about my past lives. History lived in me. Then I told my girlfriend. Right after I’d used her toilet for the first time.
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I couldn’t stop laughing. I had to leave the restaurant. She came running after me. You’re too old to still call hot dogs weiners, she said.
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He bought her an ice cream, and she said, Some people would call this love, and he drifted off for a moment and said, Man that’s super cold.
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I said, Of course I’ll sign the petition! I said, These people make me so angry. I said, What’s this for again? I said, Do I get a kiss now?
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She left him and he suffered an existential calamity. He took to drink, but he no longer got drunk. He bought a kitten. It ruined his couch.
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This isn’t working, she said sadly. I stubbed out my cigarette. But I just spent the day with you in a museum! I wailed. Not that it helped.
