First they had a fight. Then they went to Vegas. Then they had a kid. Then they fell in love. And only then did he leave the toilet seat up.
Tagged: Family (813)
T 5284
They fell in love. But when she said she wanted kids he returned to school, became an astronaut and volunteered for a manned mission to Mars.
T 5264
He calls his wife and says, I’ll be home in an hour. In the background he hears his children screaming. And he dreams of bathing in bourbon.
T 5262
He bought a dog to win his family’s affection, but he could not purchase bliss. What will it take? he asked. Better cereal, his son replied.
T 5250
The house is dark, empty. Bereft. Those inside know not what to make of things. A disaster hidden by four walls and a roof. A loving family.
T 5225
The speech at his son’s bar mitzvah didn’t go as intended. After it was done his wife asked for a divorce. He knew he was bad at ad-libbing.
T 5219
The child said that thing that made him closer to adulthood than before, and the father stood there slack jawed, and said, I’m proud of you.
T 5216
His mom called and said, I don’t like your girlfriend. He called his girlfriend and said, I love you more. Then she came over and killed him.
T 5213
The house reeked of garlic. She figured this wouldn’t work out. I come from an uptight family, she told him. He put some sauce in her mouth.
