T 5676

He said, We’re not arguing, and she said, Could have fooled me, and he said, I just did, and they argued for real but about different things.

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T 5675

When she asked him why he had done what he’d done, he said, I want to taste the end of the world, and she said, That’s dumb, because it was.

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T 5674

I said, That might hurt my feelings. I said, That’s just the way I am. I said, You can’t make me. And then she made me. And I liked it a lot.

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T 5673

And I could tell she was into in me, and she said, What do you do? and so I said, I write advertising, and she laughed so hard she threw up.

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T 5672

You wouldn’t pay attention to me so I dressed better yet our distance grew, but between you and me I can’t do anything about the stupid gas.

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T 5671

He has an affair with a policewoman and one evening he asks, Is guilt illegal? Making my life miserable is, she says. He’s afraid of her gun.

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T 5670

A woman walks up to him at the cafĂ©. You look nothing like your avatar, he sniffs. The dance of the awkward pause. You’re so naive, she says.

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T 5669

I lost the ability to dream. I was left with hope, but my hopes were pedestrian, going no further than cheeseburgers. And then my wife left.

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T 5668

I’m having a moment, he says. She rolls her eyes and says, You make a big deal out of everything. But the sandwich won’t come back by itself.

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T 5667

He hates parties but the girl is cute. He says, In my previous life I was a carpenter, and she flees, and he remembers why he hates parties.

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