You haven’t lived until you eat this, she says offering a spoonful of some vile looking thing. Then she keels over dead. So I had to try it.

Have you seen the price of gas? he asks and she says, You know I don’t drive, and he says, You’re making beans, and she still didn’t get it.

I’m not an expert in love, I tell her, sheepishly, and she says, I know, and later that evening the insult hits me, so I oversalt her pasta.