T 5492

They watched their kids play in the yard. She put her hand on his ass. I have many regrets right now, he said. She understood what he meant.

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T 5491

The bird swooped down and stole his donut and he stood and waved his fist at the injustice of it. Then he went inside and got another donut.

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T 5490

He adjusts his tie and says, You can be lonely in a roomful of people, and she says, I said alone, and he thinks and says, That doesn’t work.

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T 5489

She walked up to the guy and said, How hot are you? and he said, I’ve funded six start-ups, and she laughed the laughter of the unimpressed.

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T 5488

She rolls her eyes so far back she goes blind. Her father finds her lack of exasperation humorous. I wish you could see how I feel, she says.

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T 5486

The financial analyst was hit by a car, abandoned his job and started dabbling in poetry. You’re more useless now, said his bewildered wife.

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T 5485

He ambles into the kitchen and kisses her forehead and pours himself a coffee. That was the longest night ever, she says. Not in a good way.

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T 5483

She reached for the stinkiest, bluest cheese on the tray, and he felt resentment. You’ve taught me a lot about myself this evening, he said.

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T 5482

The relationship was done. It just lacked the courage of closure. And then they argued about the color of his tie. She thought it was peach.

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T 5481

A kid walks up to him and kicks him in the shins and he limps away and the kid says, That’s some limp, and laughs and doesn’t stop laughing.

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