She’s the kind of beautiful that soils my underwear. I probably shouldn’t have told her that. But, honestly, the court order was a bit much.  

So he called. I love you, he said. It’s Julie’s brother, Julie’s brother said. This was not met with surprise. Just an affirmation of things.

The car roared toward the horizon, toward a future of promise and things accomplished. But the driver had to pee. And turned the car around.

The horror of the changing room. One day he’d literally blow one up. But now he looked at his reflection. And the candy stuffed in his pants.  

The birthday over, he remembers his youth, when he was lovely and energetic. Now, he feels pain in odd places. He is wealthy. And nostalgic.

And then he turned a fatal shade of pale and died. His life was commemorated with popcorn and brandy. And his ex-wives conquered Switzerland.

He pressed delete and told her and she took great offense. That’s my life there, she said. He nodded and smiled. And he pressed delete again.