They walk up to the tree and she says, Is this love? and he squirms and says, Maybe, and then he pees on the tree and says, More than maybe.

He says, I don’t get art, and she likes that. She’s tired of big conversation. But then he calls her “a work of art” and she takes the hint.

Then she saw him at the end of the aisle and made her way toward him. Except she was carrying toilet paper. They’re on special, she offered.

This guy’s going on about how his wife is a member of Mensa and I say, If she’s so smart, and I don’t finish because he pulls down his pants

He soon realized the only way to end it was to belittle himself. You deserve so much more, he told her. But she had major self-esteem issues

The rocks tumbled down the mountain, and right past them. Something miraculous had happened. What did I tell you about your smell? she said.

What’s that painting behind you, because it’s not so great, he says. And she says, I painted that. And the rest of the date doesn’t go well.