He bought her a book because it had pretty flowers on the cover. She opened it to find it was about death. So it’s true, he said astonished.

He dropped his fork and bent over to retrieve it and split his pants and stood up and said, Well well, and she said, You did that on purpose

He lay on the grass and thought of the good things that had happened to him that day and then the clouds gathered above him and he went home

She leans in for the kiss and he leans away and shakes his head. Too fast, he says. She thinks he’s joking. But he’s just stalling for time.

The massage had been just what he had needed until he farted while the masseuse worked his back and then the tension of the smell did him in