The neighborhood bully chipped his tooth when his dad’s Vespa fell over. After much rejoicing, this event would be called “The Italian Job.”

You watch the man with long flowing locks sing sappy ballads and then you realize why his hair is so long and the ballads sound even sappier

He’d forgotten that his ex-girlfriend was in advertising. And that her largest account was for toilet paper. And about the photos he’d taken

He wakes up with eyebrows all akimbo and starts to understand the relentless nature of aging. He calls in sick. And reaches for the scissors