1. Lists are coming out. More and more of them. I can foresee a day where, really, everything is a list.
• Best of the day.
• Best of the week.
• Best of the month.
• Best of the year.
• Best of 2:00 PM.
• Best Tweets you missed since you last check Twitter 17 minutes ago.
• Best hot dog I ate on my way to work.
• Best insults overheard in the park.
• Best commercials during the the first half of the football game.
• Best articles you should read right now.
And then, of course, the worst. The lists of the worsts. Why choose anything anymore? Just read lists.
2. If you’re going to make a list of best movies? Make it in the form of a movie. Just watch this whole thing.
3. The British, despite their faults, are, well, funny. Here is Boris Johnson, who is only as funny as your politics might allow, saying the word “pub” about 8 million times in the span of 2 minutes and then running away to avoid responding to a question. I mean, he’s hilarious. Also, he wants a pint. Badly.
4. If a man is going to receive a “bionic” penis, should that man be a virgin? And should he deny his bionic penis to the women who are “bombarding” him with requests to take it for a test drive? If you’re this man, apparently yes. Because he’s “tired”(!!!!) More proof the patriarchy hates women.
5. Is the world going to hell? I don’t know. Honestly I don’t. Sure, Trump. And Brexit. And so many other things. Also – we’re fucking with human evolution apparently. Maybe it’s going to hell. I mean, look at this.
6. So if we’re going to hell, what better way to pass the time on the way to hell than with…data? Wait. What if it’s really cool data. I mean, data is killing us and tracking us and enslaving us. It’s the opiate of the masses. But this data is kind of gorgeous.
7. Unfortunately, some people are already in hell. This is the kind of journalism that reminds you, again, that you probably have it good. Or you’re lucky. Or your complaints are a little whiny. I hate how the New York Times covered the American election. And I hate how they bowed down to Trump when he visited their offices. That kind of capitulation felt like bad (old) American jokes about the French. Surrender monkeys! But, this is harrowing. And just amazing. (And of course Trump thinks the guy behind this is a good person…)
7. Speaking of Trump. Are the Germans going to be the bastions of liberalism? Like can they save the western world? Will Hollywood have to stop making Nazi movies? Just out of decency? Does Hollywood do anything out of decency? More to the point: Did the Germans see Trump coming?
8. More pessimism. Read this and tell me we don’t already live in a Dystopia. Just read the keywords here. And this is by a “futurist” who works for a car company.
9. And, well, this is absolute pessimism. This is getting into 1984 territory. If any of these things happen (and each and every one is plausible) I’m going to shut off all media and hide in my room.
10. If I hide in my room, I will need access to some Dan Dan Noodles. Then I can survive.