Arjun Basu

Rejected Names for Canada (another ArjunBasuList™)

Arjun Basu — Wed, 15 May 2013 20:32:58 +0000

Pepe Le Pew

Snowdon

Bunchanothing

Calis!tan

BeaverCastor

CastorBeaver

Goose Droppings

Canadian Tire

Quebec Nordiques

Sorryda

Questions One Should Never Ask

Arjun Basu — Fri, 10 May 2013 19:11:40 +0000

Does it get any bigger?

Do you have this in flax?

Are those pants?

Why is it moving?

Which one is the dog’s toothbrush?

Do you want to see my extra nostril?

What do you mean what do you mean?

Does your mom know?

When will you shut up?

For free?

Did it get itchy?

The March of the Novel

Arjun Basu — Mon, 06 May 2013 14:07:59 +0000

It is almost done. The editing part. I received what has to be one of the best letters ever from any editor anywhere. And then I read the manuscript, which was odd – I haven’t read it in over a year. I went through my editor’s comments. We Skyped (she’s based in Brooklyn). And then, in a kind of frenzy, I went over the manuscript like a sudden and violent downpour. And then it was done. I think. And, over the weekend, the managing editor at ECW wrote me asking me about thoughts on the cover. I told her I had no idea. The designer is going to have some heavy lifting to do, but then again, they always do; book design is important because you CAN judge a book by its cover. What this thing is going to look like is something that’s occupied me and hasn’t: I have ideas but all of them are bad. I imagine there’s going to be some back and forth on this. For Squishy, I had a basic idea: a female finger poking the fat on a belly. The designer took that and ran with it, in the end showing a finger poking a big Conehead-esque head, creating something memorable and slightly disturbing, but, more importantly, creating something far far better than I could have created. That’s why I’m not a book designer. I just write.
And even though the novel’s publication is a year away, it feels close. I had lunch with my publisher last week and visited the ECW offices and met most of the staff. I felt a part of something larger. These people are going to work for me and I’m going to work for them. I opened myself up to as much publicity as they want to throw at the world. Why not? I’ve been writing this book for a long, long time. Might as well do everything I can to sell a few copies.

T-SHIRT SLOGANS THAT ALWAYS GET REJECTED

Arjun Basu — Thu, 11 Apr 2013 21:07:46 +0000

I met a girl from Kalamazoo

Fuck the rainforest

My other t-shirt is a bowl of ramen

You have hills. I have mountains.

It’s not breakfast if you don’t stop eating!

They don’t call me Godzilla for nothing

I make a great second impression

We pulled the goalie (his and hers)

SHUT UP I’M LISTENING TO ROXY MUSIC

This is the Best and Most Informative Book About Farting and Everything To Do With Farting Ever Published

Arjun Basu — Sun, 07 Apr 2013 17:15:21 +0000

Your lexicon will be greatly improved upon reading this. You will learn of “mylar pantaloons” and “odor judges” and reverse engineering a fart. Or “flatus.” Why Bismuth pills are good. Why hydrogen sulfide is bad. And about the “archbishop of roughage.” Yes. I’m going to purchase the book. Of course I am. This is exactly the kind of book I can read while I’m writing myself. So much going for it. I might have to purchase a copy for my father as well. Father and son fart bond. Or fonding.

Places I Have Never Visited

Arjun Basu — Sat, 06 Apr 2013 19:36:14 +0000

Idaho

The Bottom of the Deep Blue Sea

Hell in a handbasket

Where the Sun Don’t Shine

Paraguay

Middle Earth

Kingdom Come

The Court of the Crimson King

Harper Valley

Yo Mama

Big in the OC

Arjun Basu — Fri, 05 Apr 2013 22:13:49 +0000

I’m some kind of funny. In the OC! (check page 152) At least, that’s what my friend Amy (from this design firm – yes, yes, identical twins, I know) thinks. What does she know? Does it matter? Look who else is on the list: @kellyoxford (who has a new book out and it’s getting raves), @Seinfeldtoday, @NotBillWaltonand then there’s me.

Two Canadians and two parody accounts. Or, depending on how you feel about Canadians, four Canadians.

List: Stuff I Kinda Like (the start of something edition)

Arjun Basu — Mon, 01 Apr 2013 18:03:08 +0000

On Opening Day, I thought I’d add (yet) another list of stuff I kinda like, this one about things that start something, or foretell something, foreshadow, or even start the process of anticipation. Sometimes, the thing that starts something is more exciting than what follows (Opening Day is the perfect example: if you had to graph my baseball excitement, the valley between Opening Day and, say, mid June, would be pretty deep, but only because the plusses of Opening Day are so high ).

1. Opening Day. I prefer the sound of hockey, the sharp hum of skates slicing across ice particularly, but the idea of Opening Day is the best one in sports. It is not a manufactured TV extravaganza (hello NFL Kick-Off). It means and stands for something, the start of spring and the end of winter, green grass, people playing outdoors (as opposed to athletes). And given the slog of the baseball season, and how quickly teams start to separate themselves in the standings, it is, more than in any other sports’ opening day – or whatever they call it – full of hope, a kind of blanket optimism, that also is a herald of the coming spring. Even as a Montrealer, someone who has not really been able to celebrate a proper Opening Day for many years now, the start of baseball season still stirs something in me, because, frankly, it is impossible not to be stirred. (and Bud Selig is a big fat asshead used-car salesman fuckface and never mind the fact that the whole idea of first pitch in Cincinnati has been abandoned for no good reason).

2. Stepping into a great restaurant, preferably Oriental. Like the amazing Soot Bull Jeep in LA. Or Cuisine Szechuan in Montreal. The assault on the senses, especially on the nose, that hits you when you open the door, when you enter the atmosphere of a place, means you are no longer outside, you are in the realm of the senses, the universe of the meal you are about to eat, and you can start to taste things, your memories kick into overdrive, and good things are about to happen.

3. A new book. This is a metaphor in and of itself so no point in belabouring this one. If, on the other hand, the book doesn’t deliver, this is an astonishing disappointment. Something close to criminal.

4. Getting on an airplane. I have travelled a lot. I’ve been lucky enough to do so. And yet I still see flight, especially, as magical. I still find the first moment of lift off, that first instant where the aircraft leaves gravity behind and lets the technology take over, as something imbued with wonder.

5. Unwrapping a present. I know. Call me a kid. But who doesn’t like unwrapping a gift? How could you not? Even the most cynical, world weary person has some small part of them inside that feels delight in the idea of receiving something gift wrapped. Unless, you know, it’s a bomb.

List: Movies I Kinda Liked (in no particular order)

Arjun Basu — Sun, 31 Mar 2013 16:19:34 +0000

There’s no rhyme or reason to this. Maybe I’ve been into lists recently. I’ve liked more movies than the ones listed below. For sure. But the truth is, I’m also picky. It’s my curse.

Touch of Evil

The Aristocats

Raising Arizona

The Birds

Apocalypse Now

A Clockwork Orange

Badlands

The Big Night

Jules et Jim

Sonar Kella

The Godfather (Part One)

Planet of the Apes

Rashomon

Short Cuts

Anchorman

Slap Shot

The 40 Year Old Virgin

Logan’s Run

The Bad News Bears

Breaking Away

Fargo

Leolo

Close Encounters of the Third Kind

Dr. Strangelove

Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory

Some Long Islands

Arjun Basu — Sat, 30 Mar 2013 19:06:33 +0000

Java
Cuba
Honshu
Baffin
Eleuthera
In the Stream
No man is an
Fantasy
Iced Tea
Long