Tagged: Family (813)

The kid was so disappointed there were no dinosaurs at the zoo that his mother bent down and softly said, Next time we’ll bring your father.

Then she says, And he called me ugly, and he holds her in his arms as she sobs and feels bad that he kind of agrees with the lout’s opinion.

His kid told him his hair smelled like “throw up” and no matter how much he shampooed he couldn’t help but feel that his love life was over.

He stunk up the house real bad just before his in-laws were coming over, and after they’d left he asked his wife, So, do they still love me?

The hammer falls on his toe and he wants to swear at the top of his lungs but he looks at his kid and decides to reach for the vodka instead

They fell in love. He took her home to meet his parents and she farted during desert and crawled under the table. You make me laugh, he said

I just sit here answering questions. Sometimes, I smack the kids upside the head with a rolled up paper. I know my day will come. It has to.