I pulled her onto our bed and she said, The kids, and then she said, No really, and then I said, Don’t give me another reason to resent them.
Tagged: Family (813)
(Untitled)
The children said, We made a show! and we all sat down and then our boys brought out a pole and their girls starting making us uncomfortable.
(Untitled)
I opened the door and I heard shuffling and my wife yelled, Just practicing some dance moves! but she knew that I knew that she didn’t dance.
(Untitled)
This time I would not dismiss an entire demographic and sully my argument, and I stood and spoke, and my wife said, When did you get so old?
(Untitled)
She starts to clear the table, and she looks at me and says, It’s sexy time, and the kids panic and leave, meaning we get control of the tv.
(Untitled)
I grew fat. Or more fat. One day my wife looked at me as if for the first time. When did this happen? she said, as she served up more pasta.
(Untitled)
I can’t watch my kid’s performance. The man in front of me is using his iPad like a camera. I do what must be done. I kill him. To applause.
(Untitled)
He learned about the death of his father while drunk on cheap tequila. No one ever dies at a convenient time, the bartender told him. Maybe.
(Untitled)
These were the children, carefree, caught up in play, bundles of ecstasy. Ecstatic. Just look at them, I sigh, aloud, to no one, to my soul.
(Untitled)
A minute after my promotion, I received a call from my mother. You don’t call anymore, she said. My balloon popped right there. She heard it.