Twisters

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It was five hours after I’d consumed the five-hour energy drink and I said, I’m like Cinderella at midnight, just as I tumbled to the ground.

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I keep hitting the hint button playing Bejeweled. Now she no longer respects me. I tell her it’s nothing. But she says I’m a cheater at life.

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Our relationship was in that stage where our nicknames had become utterly nonsensical, but then she crossed the line and called me Jalapeno.

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And then she says, No, and I say, Why do you hate me? and she brings up something I did a long while ago, because she will always be my mom.

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He says, I stopped thinking a while ago. There are murmurs of approval among the assembled. They hail him a hero. He says, I don’t think so.

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We stare at each other. Naked. Almost in love. She says, What one thing about me do you want to know? She waits. Can you bake cookies? I ask.

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We compare stories of loss and then the inevitable booze, and then we search for love and we don’t find it, because man we got really drunk.

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The box makes no sense but it has a barcode so I buy it. I take it home and try to figure it out. I scan the barcode. My phone laughs at me.

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The old man at the bar says, I’m a salesman. It feels sad and ominous at once. Later he says he sells pantyhose and then I feel like crying.

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We met by the hot dog stand. She was possessed of something beyond beauty. Her hot dog disappeared into her mouth in one bite. And I fainted.

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