T 5997

I bought her a whisky. She looked me over and smiled. Just so your know, I don’t watch TV, she said. I regretted buying her anything at all.

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T 5996

She returned from her business trip and he’d painted the bedroom, and she said, What color is this? and he said, The color of my resentment.

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T 5995

I’m more butterfly than wallflower, she told him, and he aimed to hit her again, until he tasted her revenge in the sweetness of his nectar.

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T 5994

The store smells funny. When I mention this, my wife says, It’s a boutique. But as I sit as she enters the dressing room, the smell remains.

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T 5993

Ms. Moore came ashore, from a faraway shore, a place we abhorred as a land of bores, so we cut her up and returned her. Whereupon we danced.

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T 5992

He cut a tennis ball in two and stuck it down his pants and when his assistant arrived he disrobed before her and said, Take a look at this!

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T 5991

I bought her an expensive necklace and then took her to Paris and as we drank champagne she asked, How do you live with so much desperation?

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T 5990

I stumbled toward the bar and told the bartender I wanted to drive her. You’re in no condition to drive, she said. I don’t drive, I told her.

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T 5989

In the fruit aisle, my child yelled, Do you eat dingleberries from mom’s butt? and so we had take-out that night and every night after that.

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T 5988

I was watching the news and my wife sat down beside me and watched the news too, and when it was over we had rigorous sex because we had to.

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