T 5739

He wakes, still drunk from the night before, and he opens a beer, and she says, Enough already. But he doesn’t know who she is, so he burps.

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T 5738

I’m going for a walk, he announced, and a month later he called his family from hundreds of miles away and said, These shoes are so amazing.

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T 5737

And after some small talk she excuses herself and then returns and he says, I want to kiss you, and she backs away and says, I just threw up.  

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T 5736

He lacked ambition. She didn’t realize the amazing depths of this lack. Of his not-wanting. I love you, he told her. But he never proved it.

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t 5735

We walked to the party because my car was in the shop and she said, But what will they think, and then I poked her bumhole and she said, Oh.

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T 5734

Dear Diary. Today the boys made fun of me again. They’re so dumb. One of them put gum in my hair. Why do they suck so much? Is my Mom a boy?

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T 5733

He called her on her cell. He said, I’m on fire. She said, I can’t talk right now. And he said, But I’m on fire. And then he burned to death.

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T 5732

He felt bad about what he’d done and he said, I’d tear my heart out for you, and she said, That’s gross, and he realized she wasn’t worth it.

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T 5731

When he spoke of love she was overcome with doubt and started biting her nails and he took her fingers out of her mouth and put them in his.

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T 5730

It was spring and the land turned green and then later it turned brown. And then it snowed. And everywhere, people complained. Just because.

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