The self-help-how-to author stands in front of the crowd and says, I’m miserable, and everyone laughs even when they realize he’s not joking.

They waited. Nothing happened and then something did. They kissed. I miss TV, one of them said. There was silence. And they waited some more.

She sighs and then launches into a tirade that he finds impressive. Even if it’s all about him. I love you more, he says. She opens the wine.

He was tired of the fighting, and sensed she might be as well. He opened a beer. Hold me, he told her. She eyed him wearily. Why? she asked.

The Vikings looted the village and one of them said, I was promised tacos! and after a massive brawl they decided to open a furniture store.

She says, I’m not being too dramatic, and her date sighs. The waiter returns with the bill and she says, At long last our nightmare is over.