The short guy’s nicknamed Pylon and the tall guy’s nicknamed Python and the girls think they’re amazing and the guys want to kill them both.

These weren’t tweezers, they were pliers, and her fear rushed toward panic. I loved you! she wailed. Just hold still! he yelled, stubbornly.

The dolphins leaping joyfully. He gets his “Nerds Love Sex Too!” t-shirt wet. I’m going to eat canned tuna! he yells. He loves that t-shirt.

And then the relationship came to an end. Because she said so. You always think you’re so right, he said. And that really did confirm things.